HOLLYWOOD-CLOUDS, OCTOBER 16, 2009 -- Famed director Roman Polanski has escaped from a Swiss prison in a helium-inflated weather balloon. Top officials of the nation of Hollywood have claimed responsibility for the daring break. Mr. Polanski’s balloon is said to be floating towards Hollywood’s High Government offices which are situated in a magic castle floating above Los Angeles in the clouds.
Mr. Polanski was arrested by law enforcement officers last month when the director arrived in Switzerland to accept a lifetime-achievement award at the Zurich Film Festival. Swiss authorities acted on a request from the United States Department of Justice, which had been contacted by the Los Angeles district attorney’s office requesting assistance on an outstanding arrest warrant.
In 1977, Mr. Polanski admitted raping and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl at the mansion of a Hollywood actor friend, after feeding the minor champagne and narcotics. Mr. Polanski plead guilty to a charge of statutory rape, but fled the country before sentencing. He has been living in France where he has continued to make feature-length motion pictures and enjoyed international fame and prestige.
Earlier in 2009, lawyers for Mr. Polanski motioned the California courts to drop the outstanding charges against the director. His attorneys argued that Mr. Polanski skipped his trial simply because he feared the judge was prepared to reject a plea-deal and sentence the director to the maximum.
In the interim, attorneys argued, a long time has passed. Even the victim, who has accepted a cash settlement to drop her own lawsuit against the him, has agreed that Mr. Polanski does not need to be punished.
Earlier this month, top-ranking Hollywood studio executives and a gaggle of actors and directors, led by Woody Allen, Martin Scorcese and Harvey Weinstein, issued an official demand for the release of Mr. Polanski. When those demands were ignored, top Hollywood officials resorted to more drastic measures to rescue one of their own.
“Roman Polanski is not only a citizen of Poland and France, he is an internationally-acclaimed director and a bona-fide Celebrity,” said Lance Flayek, spokesman for the newly-declared nation of Hollywood. “Mr. Polanski is a distinguished member of the Hollywood elite, and hence a recognized member of its ruling class. Just as U.S. officials cannot intrude on the government affairs of Native American reservations, the business and culture of Hollywood cannot be bothered by trifling intrusions of American law.”
The government of Hollywood has threatened sanctions should the United States, Los Angeles, or Switzerland make any attempt to seize Mr. Polanski back again. Hollywood is currently the largest exporter of dreams and fantasies to the United States, a country that is wholly dependent upon a steady stream of mindless entertainment. The carefree and superficial attitude that marks the American culture fuels a massive demand for fresh and constant forms of distraction.
